My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
