thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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