I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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