Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
