i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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