Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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