New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
