nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize