woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
