And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You are the jesus of drinking
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
