just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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