no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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