We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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