He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
