i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
