she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
