Farmville is her only friend.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
