You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
