Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
