Can i not drive my cunt home
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
