He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
