I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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