o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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