If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
