He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Lo siento on account of my penis...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
