i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
