I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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