I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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