Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Come see our sink grown plant.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
