you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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