I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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