At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
