Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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