Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
