one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
