So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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