dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
