the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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