Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
