I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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