i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
