You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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