Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw a hot homeless man
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
