I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How does it feel to date your dad?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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