When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
