this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
