I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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