2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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