I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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