idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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