it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
