omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
