Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
