you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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