I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
