I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
