Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
