He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize