Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just invented taco cereal.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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