Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
this hospital has no fireball
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
