i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
