Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
