i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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