Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
