I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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