Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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