The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize