dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
