I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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