In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
