Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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