The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
