my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
