Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
