Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Green mimosas i think yes
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
