Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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